Ace's Mom: Twice Blessed by Andy

Ace's Mom: Twice Blessed by Andy: Ten years. A decade. One tenth of a century. A long time by most standards.  People will ask if you know where you were on 9/11 or when JFK...

Twice Blessed by Andy

Ten years. A decade. One tenth of a century. A long time by most standards.  People will ask if you know where you were on 9/11 or when JFK was assassinated and most people can respond.The tenth anniversary of Andy's death is February 26th.  I can remember that day in vivid detail...what I was doing, where Denis was in the house, what the time was, how cold it was when the knock at the door came. Whether we want to or not, we relive that precise moment in technicolor, frequently, but especially on February 26th.

Two months later, Shannon O'Brien interviewed us about Ace and our life with him and his brothers. I did not remember saying that we were "twice blessed by Andy. We were blessed the day he was born and the day that he died" and despite the depth of pain that we continue to feel, we are so fortunate  that we have the friendship and love of so many people that we have met through Ace!

I can see Ace's love shine through when his friends reach out to just say hello, or tell us a funny story about Andy. I can see Ace's compassion when his brothers reach out to people less fortunate than they. I see Ace in his fellow police officers as they go about the business of reaching out to the community with empathy.

When I wake up tomorrow, I will pretend for just a little while that Andy will call or drop by as this is what helps get me through the patches that are too painful. I know that he will not appear magically, but it can help ease the pain to just pretend for just a little while. I will  look at pictures, talk to his brothers and his friends and we will tell silly stories and mimic Andy's version of the "blue steel" look. Tomorrow is a day that we would rather skip, but since that is not an option, we will find as much joy and love as we possibly can as that is the best way to remember Ace. Semper Fi, Marines.

Love,
Ace's Mom
"There is nothing to be unhappy about"~ Andy "Ace" Nowacki

Ripping Off the Scab

Here it is, 2015, ten years since Ace was killed by a roadside bomb. In some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago, but most times it feels like yesterday.
As we get ready for the 10th Heroes for Andy gala, I have been going through pictures, video and memories. Along with doing that, we had our annual reunion to remember Andy with those Marines from his unit that live close enough to gather and remember.The chain that binds these warriors is a special one, with the links being war, protection, love of one another and Ace.
 Some ask why we would rip the scab off of our emotions after ten years. A scab indicates healing. You never recover from a loss of someone you love so dearly so there really is no "scab". The hole in our lives that occurred with the loss of Andy never healed over as the void remains. Life becomes different. We learn how to function with a hole in our hearts.
That initial anguish had to change or we could not live our lives. Grief for us transformed to remembrance, a way to share Ace with others and to keep that loving spirit with us. Every time we look back, we can share a part of Andy with others that did not know him. Is it always fun to reminisce? Absolutely not but in this case, there are always more smiles than there are tears.
We need to have the pain so that we can really appreciate and recognize happiness.

Yesterday, we did more laughing than crying. How can you not laugh when you talk about Ace and his antics like making a human battering ram or making a game out of changing chem lights in a port a potty?

I struggled with words today as it can be so difficult to explain feelings, especially feelings about the life and death of my son. My motivation was to hopefully help anyone who might happen on this blog that is struggling with pain of loss.  There is no timeline for grief but eventually that grief needs to be sustainable in order to live.
 "Grief is in two parts. The first in loss.The second is the remaking of life." ~ Anne Rolphe

Ace's Mom ~ "There is nothing to be unhappy about." ~ Andy "Ace" Nowacki