2014....a new year, a fresh beginning, a multitude of resolutions that can be achieved and another year without Andy. How do you express gratitude for being blessed with the gift of time and still quiet the melancholy that comes with knowing this day, the next day and the day after that you will go on without hugging and laughing with your youngest son? Some would think that after almost nine years without Ace that the sadness that can overtake you in an instant would be less intense, but that is not so for me. Losing someone so dear to your heart really leaves a gash, a gouge that can almost close at times and then gape open again with just the most incidental memory, word, picture or song.
Why has this new year hit so hard? I am not sure but it is what it is. I can accept that this is how I feel, not try to hide the emotion or be embarrassed that the grief is still bubbling to the surface. I will laugh and cry as I think of past holidays with Andy, how he loved to give the most ridiculous of gifts, so ridiculous that we still laugh about them. I thank his friends for continuing to share stories with me about Andy like how DID he find a statue of a black Jesus in Iraq?!? Thank you for that one, Joel ;-)'
I write this as I know that I am not alone in how I am feeling this holiday season and want others to know that it is okay to feel sad. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not allowed to grieve, no matter how many years have passed. You don't need anyone's permission, just don't let the sadness take over! Temper the grief with memories of happiness. I will be thinking of Ace and his quirky ability to find just the right ridiculous gift at just the right time and see that spirit living on through his brothers and his friends.
A happy, healthy and peaceful 2014 to all of you.
Love,
Ace's Mom "There is nothing to be unhappy about." ~ Andy "Ace" Nowacki
No comments:
Post a Comment