Ace's Mom: Friends

Ace's Mom: Friends: I have had the opportunity to spend time with many of my friends over the last month. Some of these friends I "inherited" from Andy, and I h...

Friends

I have had the opportunity to spend time with many of my friends over the last month. Some of these friends I "inherited" from Andy, and I have come to love them dearly.Some did not "know" Andy but came to us through Andy. It is ironic that in losing Andy, I found so many other people to love.
I was lucky enough to travel to Chicago to run with a Marine, a cop, a Llama Chaser and a  girlfriend in the Chicago Half Marathon and 5k on 9/11. It was an amazing day with great people. We wore red shirts that had the "Wack Attack" logo on the front and the back said, "There is nothing to be unhappy about".

Andy was very good at describing his friends to me. In a letter from his first deployment, he described, with humor, every guy in his unit, their nicknames and how they got them. I also remember the anguish when one of them was shot, point blank, in the head as he was passing out aid packages.
I bring this up for a reason; life is short, too short for us not to appreciate those that have become dear to us and those that may. We cannot let the little things get in the way of reaching out. It does not matter who's turn it is to call, or who makes the next approach. It is insignificant who was able to make the party and who could not. All that really counts is that we continue to touch each other, care about each other and be there if we are needed. We need to put aside the "me" thoughts and think about the other guy.
Andy would call everyone that he had a phone number for just to say hi. He did not care if this person ever called him back as that is not what mattered to him. It was the gesture, the caring that mattered.
Denis, Pete, Nate and I often ask, "What would Andy do?".  It is almost always crystal clear: reach out, care and give all that you can.
Oh, if you need  to know what a Llama Chaser is, I recommend that you go to their web site and read all about them. They celebrate the true meaning of friendship and I love each and every one of them.
http://www.llamachasers.com/
Thanks for reading. I was kind of on a soap box this week.
"There is nothing to be unhappy about" - Ace Nowacki

Still Coping

One would think that there would be no surprises left when it comes to Andy, but that is not true. It is, most likely, the same for anyone who has lost someone they love dearly, not just me!
Andy has two Marine friends, one in Kansas City, Aaron, and one in Chicago, Kevin, who are running and decided to raise money for Andy's scholarship. They are amazing! The amount of work that they are putting into this for Andy is inspiring.
Of course, along with the all the race talk, there is a lot of "Andy talk" which keeps him right at the front of my mind. Everything reminds me of him: I see a Sharpie and I recall when he wrote his name on the arms of the Iraqi kids in the town the Marines made their camp. They all knew Andy's name. I see ice and remember that Andy was called "Ice Man" by the locals as he made the ice run into town for the unit. I see a dog and think of Frank, the dog that followed him everywhere in Iraq, and ran after his truck for miles when Andy came home.
Most of the time, it is OK but every once in a while, it is much like a punch to the solar plexus. Missing Andy is just a feeling that will always be there. Sometimes I can smile and at other times I will cry, but the emotions are a constant, a part of who I am. The pain is always there, lurking below the surface, and if there is a quiet moment, the feelings will creep in and my heart aches. Turning the sadness into a smile is something that I strive to do because I know that Andy would not want anyone to cry on his account.In fact, I can picture him standing over my shoulder as I write this, smiling in his goofy way, encouraging me to capture the joy. So smile ;-)'

"There is nothing to be unhappy about" - Ace Nowacki

Hike

I know that I have said that it never ceases to amaze me how Andy just keeps popping up in our lives, but it bears repeating.
This past week, we learned Troy Yocum, the Iraqi war veteran that is walking across America to raise money for Military families in need, is dedicating his walk through Eastlake to Classic Park in Andy's honor! Troy is a very special man with a dedication to his cause that many of you will relate to.
As always, it is such a mixed blessing: joy that Andy is never forgotten along with the pain of missing him. I grasp at whatever I can to cope with the loss of Ace; sometimes it is watching one of his "home" movies. It might be reading one of his letters or one of  emails that I saved. Many times it is just remembering Andy.

There was the time he called his police chief in sick so that they could eat breakfast together and then go to the St. Paddy's Day parade or the time he pimped out his police car and almost gave his Captain a coronary! In case you are wondering, his "alterations" consisted of: skulls for locks, a hula girl on the dash, a disco ball light and, the best part: Ace  lined up big, yellow smiley faces on the back window for anyone riding in the back to enjoy! When we drove to Grand River after Ace was killed, the Captain picked us up in that same police car. I smiled while riding in the back seat.:-)I guess we should always look at what we can smile about as opposed to what makes us sad, angry or indifferent.
Back to Troy. I am sure that Andy and other fallen heroes like Josh Harmon, Brian Montgomery and David Baker are walking step for step with Troy. They are supporting their brother, every inch of the way, in this grand endeavor. For me, I will be at Classic Park on Thursday, cheering on Troy and what he represents, hoping that I can take a few steps with him in honor of our fallen and I know that my Ace will be next to me, smiling, matching stride for stride.
If you want to read more about Troy, here is his web site:   http://drumhike.com/



Thank you for reading.
Sheila
  "There is nothing to be unhappy about"- Ace Nowacki

Heat

The talk of  most of us  centers around the weather; who has the hottest, the coldest, the nicest, the windiest, etc. Obviously, we are all talking about the heat and how it is affecting us. I won't say that we are whining but we are coming really close!
On Andy's first deployment, he talked about the severe conditions in Iraq. Remember, at that time, most of our military did not have quarters let alone running water or air-conditioning. The heat was soaring to the 120+ mark and did not really cool down at night. They all had to wake up multiple times at night in order to hydrate or they would end up sick. The only time they had relief was when the doc would insert an IV for fluids. Andy said that his clothes were so stiff from sweat when he took them off at night, he could stand them up in the corner. Of course there was no way to wash, so the stiff clothes were put back on in the morning!
Andy did not really complain, he was just matter of fact about it.

The second deployment found better living conditions; port a potties and not a hole in the ground! While Pete was in Iraq a month ago, he had it a lot better. He said, "Gee, Mom, we have AC and even ice cream!". He was being funny, trying to get me to not worry about him. :-) I am sure Andy was grinning.
Bearing all this in mind, I am really going to try not to whine about the heat. Stay cool!

"There is nothing to be unhappy about." - Ace Nowacki

Reflections

Today, my eldest niece will be getting married. It is a time for  savoring the company of those I love most in the world, as it is one of the rare occasions that all my siblings and most of the nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews are all in the same geographical location. Family is our foundation.

It is inevitable that thoughts of Andy will be prominent. Andy really loved celebrated when he was able to be with his family. Family and friends were what mattered to him the most and hanging with his cousins was at the top of his list. Andy always tried to to touch everyone he could on a daily basis. He made people feel cared for.

I was always proud of Andy but never more so than when I heard some of the stories from his unit: he spent hours learning to play "Happy Birthday" on a keyboard (he was not a musician) to celebrate for a Marine; if he was finished eating and someone came in alone, he would stay and keep them company; he would make an special occasion out of anyone's birthday, no matter their rank; he was "Secret Santa" on steroids!

Today, as the family gathers to celebrate, Ace will be there too. We will feel his love and I know that he will be next to Heather, watching, smiling and sharing in the happiness of the day.

"There is nothing to be unhappy about"  - Andy "Ace" Nowacki

Andy and The Italians

 Andy did not like school much. He liked his teachers and his friends, but school was not something he got excited about, probably because he had to work hard to get decent grades. With this in mind, it came as a surprise to me that he wrote long letters home on his first deployment and that they were really humorous.

One of the funniest letters that Andy ever wrote described the time he spent at Camp White Horse, a military base occupied by Italians and Brits. Andy, during some kind of firefight, had fallen on his knee and split it open, requiring stitches. He was sent to Camp White Horse with his dog, Frank. He did have the option to return home with some mechanics, but he said the he did not "feel right about leaving all his friends".


Here is a list of what Andy said he had learned, up to that point:

1. "Sappy plates work
2. Hard back Humvees look bullet proof, but they are not, (Army has high speed Humvees that are bullet proof with A/C)
3. AK-42's and RPG's are inaccurate ( they are better off closing their eyes)
4. (The new one) Italians have no shame! i.e. going from the barracks to the shower room with nothing  but a cigar and shower shoes
5. The Italian and British female are all looking for an "American guy", so needless to say that when I go eat (by myself since there are only 9 other Americans here)  all the Italians sit next to me and the Brits fight for the closest chair, like musical chairs. So dinner conversation goes like this: After everyone sits down, I  say  "Bon Notte (that is good evening, in Italian) and then they say some thing that I DO NOT understand!!They giggle, I smile and nod my head and then slurp up another noodle.( I can barely understand the Brits as their accents are so thick you could cut it with a knife). This goes on until I am done. I then go outside and feed Frank. I placed my other animal friends with Marines and Italians. Frank and I then go home (escorted by the girls).They say "bonjorno" (good day) and leave, giggling. Then the Italian guys come over wearing Speedos (yes! Speedos!), shower shoes and cigars and feed me and Frank Heineken beer and cigars. (Frank likes Heineken beer but I cannot get him to hold a cigar in his mouth!) Frank and I go to bed about midnite and that is my evening"

There is a bit more to the letter, a paragraph about going for a check up but Frank having to wait outside....something about "cleanliness". It was a 6 page letter, unprecedented in the world of Andy!
I will have to share the story of his attempt at chicken farming in a future post.

Sheila

"There is nothing to be unhappy about" - Ace Nowacki

Ace's Mom: Andy at Camp Pendleton

Ace's Mom: Andy at Camp Pendleton: "Anyone who knew Andy will smile when they think of him, in fact, they probably laugh out loud! Along with his over- sized heart, Andy also h..."

Andy at Camp Pendleton

Anyone who knew Andy will smile when they think of him, in fact, they probably laugh out loud! Along with his over- sized heart, Andy also had an incredible sense of humor. He was known as the "morale officer" of his unit as he was the guy who took it upon himself to lift everyone's spirits. Good morale is almost as important as knowing how to shoot your weapon in the Corps and men like Andy, although they may not do things "by the book",  are the bedrock of their units.

 When Denis and I went to Chicago for the dedication of a memorial to those in the 2/24 who were killed in action in Iraq , we met more of the men who were with Andy on the last deployment. A young sergeant came up to me with a grin but also with tears in his eyes. He wanted to share a story with us, his experience with Andy. This sergeant was in charge of making sure that all the rooms were ready for inspection. He knocked on Andy's door. Andy told him to "come on in" and what greeted him made him stop dead in his tracks: Andy was sitting in a beach chair in his swim trunks with, of course, his shades on. The chair was on a beige shag rug, simulating sand, with a beach umbrella shading his Irish skin from the room's light fixture. Andy had a "drink" in a special cup in his hand and next to him on the wall was a poster of a "babe" in a bikini, completing his beach scene. He handed a "tiki" cup to the Sergeant and told him that he would need to have that designated cup in hand whenever he entered the room. The Sergeant, after taking it all in, accepted that "tiki" cup. He took one last, horrified gaze at what  Andy  had created, and said, "Dude, you are in so much trouble!" and then backed out of the room, closing the door behind him. The Sergeant, expected Andy to get reprimanded for what he had created, but he told us that Andy never got in trouble for his beach room.

I am sorry that I do not remember that Sergeant's name as this is one of the stories that I will never forget. It exemplifies Andy's spirit in the best possible way; uplifting others at his own expense although I know that Andy fed the joy in his soul by doing the little things, like sitting on a pretend beach with his friends.

I guess the moral to the story for me is that I need to do more for my friends and not self indulge.

Sheila

___________

"There is nothing to be unhappy about" ;-) Ace Nowacki

Freedom

Memorial Day always brings a lot of sorrow for us and many others. It is the nature of this holiday, one meant to honor our dead warriors, a time for sobering thoughts and reflections.


 Some people have asked what made Andy join the Marines. I think, initially, he had a great recruiter, but then it began to mean something very different.


Andy was at Camp Pendleton. For those who read this and do not know, Camp Pendleton is rather a God forsaken piece of real estate on the coast in California. California, historically, is rather notorious for it's liberal politics and protesters. One day, Andy and a group of his friends were either leaving the base or approaching it, when they spotted a group of protesters brandishing angry signs that were protesting the war and those who were fighting it. Natural instinct for the Marines was to confront and do battle with those carrying the signs. Andy, from what I was told, turned to his friends and said, "Hey, this is why we do what we do; so that they have freedom of speech". I paraphrase, since I was not there and only got this from another Marine. Andy got it. So many others will never get it.


I can write this because of men like Andy, Kevin, Paul, Noah, Dustin, Pete, Joel, Brian and so many more. They are our protectors, our defenders and I am very grateful for each and everyone of them.


"There is nothing to be unhappy about" ;-)  Ace

Memorials

The knock came on the door on a Saturday at dinner time. Everything about that short, horrendously life altering couple of minutes is forever etched in my mind, and it is as painful in a memory as it was in the reality. This was the day, February 26, 2005, that my life was changed forever by two men in green uniforms and solemn expressions. I am using the pronoun “I“ as this is about a mother’s loss, a primal pain that mirrors that pain of child birth, but unlike birth, the agony does not abate in a matter of hours, or days, but lasts for the rest of a mother’s life. Andy's father and brothers feel a great pain, as well, but I cannot speak for them here.

Andy “Ace” Nowacki was my youngest child and held a special place in my heart, a place that only the youngest can occupy when he is joyous, caring, compassionate and an imp, all rolled into one handsome human with bright blue eyes and a brilliant smile. He was the one  left at home when his older brothers went off to school and,  having been a mother for a while, knew that this precious time was to be savored; we hiked, we picnicked, we rode bikes, we read books and watched Bert&Ernie on Sesame Street. It was a time that the other two could not share as they were not ‘the youngest’. Andy and I retained that special bond into his adult life.

Andy is in my thoughts every day. We just had the Cleveland Police Memorial weekend, an event that Andy loved . We are now approaching Memorial Day, a time for remembrance. It is a difficult month for those who have lost their loved ones but it is also a time to resurrect the good memories and hold them close. 

Andy's cat, Elvis, is now rubbing his fuzzy head on the side of the computer. Do you think he knows that I am writing about our Ace?

"There is nothing to be unhappy about" - Andy "Ace" Nowacki

Andy

For a long time now, I have written off and on  my own personal thoughts about Andy and how to live without him. I decided that maybe the feelings and stories should be shared. Today is the day. The world did not end yesterday, as some predicted, so it seemed right to start something new today.

After six years, there are many folks of the mind that I should "get over it", "move on". Whatever the phrase of choice is, they all mean the same: we are uncomfortable with your grief. I can pretty much guarantee that anyone who mouths pat phrases such as those, have never had a significant loss in their lives. They will understand when they do experience a death that one does not "move on". What you really do is alter your reality to manage the gigantic hole in your life that was once filled with a person that you loved for 23 years. My way is to talk about Andy and tell his stories, stories of his extraordinary humor and his great regard for the well being and happiness of anyone he knew.

For those who have stumbled upon this blog, Andy is L Cpl Andrew "Ace" Nowacki, a  Marine who was killed in Babil Province, Iraq, February 25, 2005. Andy was the lead gunner in a humvee that was protecting a convoy. He was three weeks from coming home from his second deployment. Andy's death not only affected his family, but so many others in many different ways. I will attempt to capture Andy, those he has affected and still does affect along with how we cope with the pain of his loss.

"There is nothing to be unhappy about" ;-)'

Quoted by Andy Nowacki when he was asked why he always smiled.