Ace-less Christmas

Whoever said, " Time heals all wounds" was not correct.Time may well fix a cut or a bruise, but not emotional injuries, not the battering of a heart. The emotional bleeding will stop eventually and the hole will scab over as  protection to our sanity, allowing us to live life, but the pain never really subsides. The Christmas Holidays are a time of the year when the pain bubbles through and this year is no exception.

Every ornament hung on our tree has a provenance and all involve memories of years when Ace, Nate and Pete were kids, excited to make decorations or help pick out something new. I tried putting all new ornaments on a tree the first Christmas  without Ace but in many ways, that tree was more difficult to look at than if I had decorated with the traditional, cherished ornaments. That tree was much like staring at The Grinch; it had no heart, no warmth. Since that first year, the boxes come out of the attic and as each treasure is hung on a branch, I allow the smiles and the tears to surface along with the memories. The only item that remains in the box is Andy's Christmas stocking.  Even looking at the stocking  is really  a direct hit to my emotional core so it simply stays in the box.

There are times that the parties and gatherings serve to accentuate the loss of Ace and I have to just take time to remember alone and allow the memories to take me where they may. We all need to give ourselves permission to feel sadness if we need to. Stifling and hiding the hurt only serve to make the stress and pain of it all worse.

Ace's favorite time of the year was Christmas. He and his brothers never cared much about the gifts that they received, but they sure did get excited over what presents they were giving! They embraced the spirit of Christmas without getting bogged down in the materialistic aspects that we are bombarded with.

One year when Ace was about 4 years old, he decided that he wanted to give one of his toys to a child that was in need. Ace did not pick a discarded toy but took his treasured Happy Birthday Care Bear to put in the donation box. That gesture pretty much says everything about Ace's spirit, not only at Christmas but all year round. This joyful spirit is what I try to embrace every year and not let sadness overtake me. Ace would not approve if the holidays meant  tears and not smiles!

Seize the joy of the season, the generosity of spirit! Temper the sadness with the warmth of family and friends and the beauty of what Christmas really means. Try to be like Ace.

Ace's Mom
 "There is nothing to be unhappy about."~ Andy Ace Nowacki

"Dude, Here's Your Tiki Cup!"

I needed a new laptop. Simple, right? NO!Not simple at all for a non-techie like me. Well, I lost my Blog and finally, with a little help, found it again. 
On to my Andy story.
This past week we met with a videographer who is going to help us with a video.She asked if there were things about Andy that people, in general, did not know about. 
This is an Ace episode that only some would have knowledge of but it makes me laugh every time and I thank the Marine who relayed the story. 
We had made the trip to the reserve center in Chicago for the dedication of a memorial shortly after Andy was KIA. We had the opportunity to meet Marines from that area for the first time. A young Marine approached us to tell us how much Andy meant to him and related how he met and came to know Ace. I apologize for not remembering his name but I can still see his face along with the tears sliding down his face to his smile as he talked. 
For those who don't know, Camp Pendleton in California, is a base that trains combat readiness. This Chicago Marine who approached us was at Camp Pendleton with Ace prior to deployment to Iraq. One of his duties was to ensure that rooms were inspection ready. He knocked on a door and was told to "Come in". He opened the door and stared in wonder! In the room was a Marine with a room like no other: Ace had managed to make his room into a California beach! He had "sand" (a beige shag rug), an inflatable palm tree, a poster of a model in a bikini. He was wearing sunglasses, shorts and flip flops and sitting in a beach chair, holding a Tiki cup! Ace proceeded to say to this Marine as he stood there, speechless, "Dude, here is your Tiki cup. Bring it with you whenever you enter my room". The astonished Marine just said, "You are in so much trouble!" as he backed out of the room with his Tiki cup in hand.
This Marine, as he completed his story, laughing and crying, said, "And you know what Maam? Andy never got in trouble for his room. Everyone loved going to his room because he made them laugh."
I hold this story close to my heart as it really epitomizes what Ace did his entire life, make people happy. Ace still can make me smile and laugh out loud! What a tremendous gift!

Ace's Mom
 "There is nothing to be unhappy about"~ Andy "Ace" Nowacki