Freedom

Memorial Day always brings a lot of sorrow for us and many others. It is the nature of this holiday, one meant to honor our dead warriors, a time for sobering thoughts and reflections.


 Some people have asked what made Andy join the Marines. I think, initially, he had a great recruiter, but then it began to mean something very different.


Andy was at Camp Pendleton. For those who read this and do not know, Camp Pendleton is rather a God forsaken piece of real estate on the coast in California. California, historically, is rather notorious for it's liberal politics and protesters. One day, Andy and a group of his friends were either leaving the base or approaching it, when they spotted a group of protesters brandishing angry signs that were protesting the war and those who were fighting it. Natural instinct for the Marines was to confront and do battle with those carrying the signs. Andy, from what I was told, turned to his friends and said, "Hey, this is why we do what we do; so that they have freedom of speech". I paraphrase, since I was not there and only got this from another Marine. Andy got it. So many others will never get it.


I can write this because of men like Andy, Kevin, Paul, Noah, Dustin, Pete, Joel, Brian and so many more. They are our protectors, our defenders and I am very grateful for each and everyone of them.


"There is nothing to be unhappy about" ;-)  Ace

Memorials

The knock came on the door on a Saturday at dinner time. Everything about that short, horrendously life altering couple of minutes is forever etched in my mind, and it is as painful in a memory as it was in the reality. This was the day, February 26, 2005, that my life was changed forever by two men in green uniforms and solemn expressions. I am using the pronoun “I“ as this is about a mother’s loss, a primal pain that mirrors that pain of child birth, but unlike birth, the agony does not abate in a matter of hours, or days, but lasts for the rest of a mother’s life. Andy's father and brothers feel a great pain, as well, but I cannot speak for them here.

Andy “Ace” Nowacki was my youngest child and held a special place in my heart, a place that only the youngest can occupy when he is joyous, caring, compassionate and an imp, all rolled into one handsome human with bright blue eyes and a brilliant smile. He was the one  left at home when his older brothers went off to school and,  having been a mother for a while, knew that this precious time was to be savored; we hiked, we picnicked, we rode bikes, we read books and watched Bert&Ernie on Sesame Street. It was a time that the other two could not share as they were not ‘the youngest’. Andy and I retained that special bond into his adult life.

Andy is in my thoughts every day. We just had the Cleveland Police Memorial weekend, an event that Andy loved . We are now approaching Memorial Day, a time for remembrance. It is a difficult month for those who have lost their loved ones but it is also a time to resurrect the good memories and hold them close. 

Andy's cat, Elvis, is now rubbing his fuzzy head on the side of the computer. Do you think he knows that I am writing about our Ace?

"There is nothing to be unhappy about" - Andy "Ace" Nowacki

Andy

For a long time now, I have written off and on  my own personal thoughts about Andy and how to live without him. I decided that maybe the feelings and stories should be shared. Today is the day. The world did not end yesterday, as some predicted, so it seemed right to start something new today.

After six years, there are many folks of the mind that I should "get over it", "move on". Whatever the phrase of choice is, they all mean the same: we are uncomfortable with your grief. I can pretty much guarantee that anyone who mouths pat phrases such as those, have never had a significant loss in their lives. They will understand when they do experience a death that one does not "move on". What you really do is alter your reality to manage the gigantic hole in your life that was once filled with a person that you loved for 23 years. My way is to talk about Andy and tell his stories, stories of his extraordinary humor and his great regard for the well being and happiness of anyone he knew.

For those who have stumbled upon this blog, Andy is L Cpl Andrew "Ace" Nowacki, a  Marine who was killed in Babil Province, Iraq, February 25, 2005. Andy was the lead gunner in a humvee that was protecting a convoy. He was three weeks from coming home from his second deployment. Andy's death not only affected his family, but so many others in many different ways. I will attempt to capture Andy, those he has affected and still does affect along with how we cope with the pain of his loss.

"There is nothing to be unhappy about" ;-)'

Quoted by Andy Nowacki when he was asked why he always smiled.