Who Knew?

There are times in life that you want to change your mind but you can't. One of those times for me was when I went into labor. I really wanted someone else to take over for a while or just finish up. The reality hit that this was all on me, it was not like changing your mind to run a marathon.

It really is the unexpected things that zing your heart and emotion is released like looking for a coat in the closet and seeing Andy's dress blues hanging in plastic or his 80's pants. That's the stuff you don't plan for, the stuff that reduces you to a blubbering fool in the corner wanting to shut out the world.

You would think that after eleven years, that kind of emotion would not hit as hard and fast but it does.I no longer look for the magic threshold that when you step over it, the feelings of loss become less painfully intense. I am pretty sure it does not exist.

Yesterday, a day when the past month (Ace's KIA date, Ace's birthday, my Mom's illness, preparing for the gala fund raiser) all caught up to me and curling up in dark corner to escape seemed the best option, a wonderful gift came my way that made the world a little brighter, and it happened at the mall of all places!

I will explain that for the past 6 or 7 years, Denis and I have gone to the Mentor Mall to walk  if the weather is inclement, which we all know is Cleveland at least half the time. We park at Macy's lower level  and we walk past the home department. Almost every day, there is a cheerful, friendly sales clerk in a wheelchair who says hello and asks how we are.  We wave, say hello and keep walking.

Yesterday, my shopping quest took me to the home department in Macy's and this same sales clerk rang up my purchases.

There were no other customers so we took a few minutes to chat. I learned that her name is Alexis and she asked where Denis was. I explained that he had something else to do and I was taking advantage of just being able to wander by myself, looking and touching the spring clothes. Alexis then said something very surprising to me; she told me that Denis and I were an inspiration to her! She knew we were Ace's parents, I am not sure how, and proceeded to tell me that if we were able to persist in putting one foot in front of the other after the devastating loss of our son, she could certainly do the same. At the time we started to walk in the mall, she was the primary care giver for her husband who was ill and she was struggling. He has since passed away. Did we have any idea that we were helping someone just by saying hello and smiling? Nope!

I left that store counting my blessings, thankful that I have so many supportive, loving people in my life. Who knew that a sales clerk in a wheelchair would be the one to pull me out of the dark corner and bring me back into the light, ready to face whatever was coming my way?

Who knew?

Ace's Mom
"There's nothing to be unhappy about"~ Andy "Ace" Nowacki